THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN

THE LAST AMERICAN VIRGIN

SPOILER ALERT

In American culture the word virgin is generally used to describe someone who has not had sexual intercourse.  According to Miriam-Webster, however, a virgin is also a person that is inexperienced.  The Last American Virgin, which came out in 1982, actually draws from both definitions.  The movie focuses on five teenagers: Gary (Lawrence Monoson), David (Joe Rubbo), Rick (Steve Antin), Karen (Diane Franklin), and Rose (Kimmy Robertson).  The boys all have a healthy curiosity about sex, but their personalities vary in other ways.  A regular Casanova, Rick is not a virgin in either definition of the term.  He is a good-looking savvy guy who knows how to manipulate people in general, and how to seduce girls specifically.  David is inexperienced sexually but otherwise is very worldly and business-like; whenever his friends need something, he advances them the money to buy it and notes the amount in a small tablet that he carries with him at all times.   Of the three, only Gary is a true romantic who believes that sex and love go hand in hand.  His naivete makes him likable and he is so well regarded by the owner of the pizzeria where he works (Phil Rubenstein) that he is allowed to use the delivery car during off hours.  Best friends Karen and Rose differ from one another as well.  Both are pretty, but while Karen is a quiet person who dresses conservatively (for her age), and wears her dark curly hair natural, Rose, who  is more boisterous, prefers cutting edge outfits and sprays her teased blonde hair with vibrant hues of pink and lavender. 

Strongly influenced by popular teen movies like Porky’s, the film casts the boys in several sexual escapades, all of which have unfortunate outcomes. In the first, they pick up Brenda (Tessa Richards), Millie (Winifred Freedman), and Roxanne (Gerri Idol) in a burger joint where the local kids hang out and offer them drugs to come to Gary’s house because his mom and dad are out.  When Gary’s parents (Sandy Sprung and Paul Keith) arrive home early, however, Rick and David are literally caught with their pants down (and the girls’ tops off).  The second event occurs at the apartment of Gary’s oversexed customer, Carmela (Louisa Moritz).  She offers to have sex with all three of the boys but has only kept her promise to Rick and David before her boyfriend Paco (Roberto Rodriguez) walks in and chases them away.   The last escapade is with a hooker named Ruby (Nancy Brock) who charges the boys $90 for her services and gives them crabs.  Woven throughout the tawdry scenes, however, lurks a serious love triangle. 

It all starts when Gary goes into the burger stand, the kids’ local hangout, one afternoon and notices a cute girl buying ice cream.  Since he has lived in the small town all his life, he cannot figure out why he hasn’t noticed the attractive brunette before.  When he sees her again at school the next day, he asks David, who is something of a teenage Pinkerton, to find out who the girl is and where she lives.  It doesn’t take the resourceful young man long to learn that the girl’s name is Karen and she recently moved into Gary’s neighborhood.  The next morning on his way to school, Gary sneaks over to Karen’s house and lets the air out of her mophead’s front tire.  He waits until she discovers the flat, then drives up and offers to take her to school.  As the two ride along, Gary nervously jokes around with Karen until he gets up the nerve to invite her to a party.  Karen tells him that she already has plans but assures him that she does not have a boyfriend which leads him to believe he has a chance. 

That night when he gets to the party, however, Karen is already there and hanging out with Rick.  Knowing that he can’t compete with his charismatic friend, Gary starts drinking whiskey.  When Karen eventually comes over to say hello, she introduces him to her best friend Rose, who shows immediate interest.  A slow song starts to play and when Rick waltzes away with Karen, Rose talks Gary into dancing with her.  He reluctantly agrees but the whole time he is holding Rose, he is watching Karen.  When the song ends, Gary follows Karen into the bathroom and asks if she likes Rick.  She doesn’t answer, but when Rick comes in to get her, Gary knows that his best friend has already won the heart of the girl he wants. 

In an effort to derail the budding relationship between Rick and Karen, Gary starts doing things to cause trouble between them.  For example, he agrees to use his pizza delivery vehicle to take Rick, Karen, Rose, and himself on a double date, but shows up on foot and tells Rick his boss wouldn’t let him use the car.  When their dorky classmate Victor (Brian Peck) drives up, Gary and Rick trick him into going into the restaurant to buy drinks, then jump in his car, and pull away.  They pick up the girls, go to the beach to park, and Rick gets into the back seat with Karen while sending Rose up front to sit with Gary.  Even though he isn’t interested in Rose, Gary starts kissing her.  Suddenly, he accidentally kicks the parking brake and the car rolls into the ocean, stopping the action going in the back seat.

Despite Gary’s efforts, however, the relationship between Rick and Karen continues to develop.  Rick knows that Gary inherited his grandmother’s house and asks to use it so he and Karen can be alone.  Gary lies and says he can’t find the key then informs Rick that he and David are on their way to have sex with a redheaded hooker named Ruby and invites him along.  Rick says can’t come because he already has a date with Karen.  When his friends start to accuse him of being henpecked, however, Rick agrees to go with them to prove they are wrong.  At Ruby’s David and Rick insist that Gary go first.  He tries but finds the experience so distasteful that he jumps up and runs outside to throw up.  Unlike Gary, Rick and David are enthusiastic participants, but the next day all three of boys regret the adventure when their privates start to itch.  Rick tell his friends that they’ve got crabs which they can get rid of by drowning them.  The three go to the public pool and soak for four hours, but when that doesn’t work, they head to the local pharmacist (Mel Welles) who sells them some medicine which David pays for and notes in his tablet.   One evening Gary goes to the Burger place, notices that Karen’s mophead is sitting outside, but doesn’t see her around.  He asks Victor where she is, and Victor replies that she and Rick are at the football field.  Gary follows, sees them kissing, and thinking they’re just making out, he goes back to the restaurant to wait for them.  A little while later when Rick comes in and says that he just took Karen’s virginity, Gary gets up and walks out, enraged. 

As Christmas vacation approaches, the kids are all talking about their upcoming ski trip.  Trying to get his schoolwork out of the way before he leaves, Gary goes into library where he sees Rick and Karen in an argument which ends with Rick telling her to go away.  She runs out into the hall and Gary follows to find out what’s wrong.  She tells him she’s pregnant and that Rick doesn’t want anything more to do with her.  Gary goes back into the library to reason with his friend, but instead of listening, Rick coldly says he isn’t even sure the baby is his.  Realizing for the first time what a cad his friend truly is, Gary tries to punch him, but the librarian kicks both boys out before a fight gets started. 

On the day of the ski trip Rick is on the bus making out with a new girl and Gary is at an abortion clinic with a devastated Karen being told by the counselor (Julianna McCarthy) that the cost is $250 payable in cash.  While Karen has the procedure done, Gary runs all over town trying to get the money to pay for it.  Even though he steals what he can from his parents and sells his own things at a pawn shop, he’s still short and ends up borrowing the balance from his boss.  He comes back to get Karen, loaded down with a Christmas tree and oranges.  They go to his grandmother’s house where Karen sleeps in the bedroom, and he crashes on the couch.  In the morning over eggs and freshly squeezed orange juice, as a subtle way of finding out how she feels about Rick, he asks if she’s sorry she didn’t go skiing.  Instead of elaborating, she simply replies that it doesn’t matter because she will see everyone at her birthday party on Saturday.  Surprised because this is the first he has heard of it, Gary asks if he’s invited and she indicates that he is.  She then thanks him for all he’s done and seeing this as the perfect moment to be honest, Gary tells Karen that he loves her. 

When Gary gets back home later that morning, he’s in a great mood because he and the love of his life are finally together.  He spends $80 on a gold heart pendant that he has the jeweler inscribe with the phrase “To Karen with Love” to give her at the party.   That night he arrives at Karen’s house lighthearted and carrying the necklace.  When he goes into kitchen, however, he is shocked to see Karen and Rick kissing.  The two notice Gary watching them and mutely look at him while grasping each other tightly.  Crushed, Gary walks out and drives away crying.

Although this movie starts out as just another coming-of-age sexploit, rather than leaving the audience with memories of bare boobs and happy endings, The Last American Virgin leaves viewers sad and angry.   The tragic ending turns the film not only into a cautionary tale regarding what happens when kids do things they are not mature enough to deal with, but also contains a lesson about love.  While we hate that Gary ends up deeply hurt, the truth is he has no one to blame but himself.  He has dreamed up a whole version of Karen in his mind, but the only thing he really knows about her is that she is pretty.  The two have never said more than a few words to each other and the content of their conversations have generally entailed Karen attempting to get Gary to notice Rose.    

Gary’s presumptions about Karen underscore the misogynistic attitudes the males in this film (and in our society) have about females.  Scenes that show them picking up girls for sex, going to Carmela’s apartment for sex, and paying a hooker for sex are good representations of the objectification of women, but the most glaring example is the way Rick acts toward Karen when she tells him she is pregnant.  He immediately rejects her, then when confronted by Gary, contradicts his former claim that he took her virginity by insinuating that she is a slut and the kid could be another guy’s.  Rick’s abandonment along with his attempt to besmirch Karen’s reputation should cause us to ask ourselves: Would Karen have even gotten the abortion if Rick had stepped up?  Since abortion was legalized in 1973, people who have protested the decision have primarily focused on the women who have the procedures and the medical personnel that perform them.  This movie reminds all of us that men also play a part in the issue of unwanted pregnancies and their behavior must be included in the equation. 

The most dissatisfying aspect of the film is the ending which leaves us asking why Karen takes Rick back.  My interpretation is that even though she is no longer a virgin sexually, she is still very inexperienced and can’t see what a huge mistake she’s making.   Rick, one of the most loathsome characters ever in teenage films, is so egotistical he will never be someone Karen can depend on.  Nor does he even have the wherewithal to consider the repercussions waiting for him down the road by losing Gary’s friendship.  Even poor David, who has no part in the mess, will be impacted by the upheaval as he will be forced to choose whether to remain friends with Rick or with Gary, with both, or with neither. 

The one thing I really like about this movie is the rich soundtrack, which is filled with songs that were hits at the time and skillfully moved the plot along.  Some examples of this are: Gleaming Spires’ “Are You Ready For the Sex Girls” when the boys take the three girls to Gary’s house; Oingo Boingo’s “Better Luck Next Time” when Gary first sees Karen talking to Rick; The Commodore’s “Oh No” on the night that Gary watches Rick in the process of taking Karen’s virginity; U2’s “I Will Follow” when Gary is running all over town to come up with money to pay for Karen’s abortion; and Quincy Jones’ “Just Once” as a broken hearted Gary drives away from Karen’s birthday party.  The soundtrack can be purchased on Amazon or streamed on Spotify.  I didn’t find the film streaming anywhere, but it can be purchased for a reasonable price from Amazon, Best Buy, or eBay, among others.   

Next time I will finish this series by discussing Fast Times At Ridgemont High.  Until then when you watch a flick, try looking for underlying themes.  It can make viewing even more enjoyable.  Ciao for now.